The cause.

How do you know why a child finds themselves on a wrong path in life.
Is it environmental or genetic? Probably a little bit of both.
Sometimes it's neither..

*important note to parents. At a certain age your child knows right from wrong. They're old enough to make the choice themselves. I spent many years beating myself up because I blamed myself for everything. Then I realized it was not so much self-blame as it was self-pity.
At some point you just need to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, stop dwelling on the past, and start figuring out your next step to a positive future.

So what do I think contributed to Andrew's path.
Where do I start.

Remember as a young teenager when you thought you knew everything. You were sure the rules your parents were laying on you were cruel and unusual punishment.
Why do I have a bed time? Why do I have to wear certain clothes? Why can't have the name brand clothes my friends are wearing? Why do I have to be home at a certain time? Why do I have to eat my vegetables? The list really is endless.
But when you're grounded to your room for not being home when the street lights came on, all you can think is "when I have kids, I'm not going to be mean like this. My kids will be able to do anything they want".
Well, when I got pregnant, I was still in that mindset. This equals spoiled ass children.
I also didn't know jack about paying bills. I worked full time at Crosspoint. In my mind, every dime I made was made to spend.
As an infant you could find Drew dressed in mostly namebrand clothes, sporting some BK's or Fila kicks. He had a leather bomber jacket, Levi's. Anything to make him look cool (like it mattered). He'd wear these things for a month or so, until he grew out of them. And then we'd shop again. By the time he was a year old, I was allowing him to tell me what he was going to wear every day.. Yes, the 1 year old controlled his own look.
Same with food. "Oh you don't like spinach, okay I'll never give it to you again".
"oh you're having a temper tantrum, tell me what you want. I'll give you anything to stop".
So here it is in writing. I spoiled my kid(s). And yes this probably contributed to some issues.
* Or could it be that his dad smoked pot on a daily basis (including the day of conception). Could this somehow have made it through the lovely fallopian tubes and into my son's brain? probably.
*side note* for the record, I did not smoke pot. tried it once, threw up, never touched it again. And if anyone says otherwise, come see me.
* Maybe it was the lack of maturity on both my part and Jimmy's part. We spent the first 6 or 7 years breaking up and getting back together. How confusing was this to a small child. We were so young. I think we both knew we didn't belong together, but wanted to be a normal family so badly, we really did fight for it.
* in the beginning when we were both still living at home. Andrew and I would stay at my house during the week, then pack up every weekend and stay at Jimmy's house.
* Maybe it was Jimmy's lack of availability as a dad? When we weren't split up, Jimmy was there, but not really involved. He tended to make promises he couldn't keep. Like "yes we'll go fishing later. We'll play cars or catch later". Later never seemed to come.
* Was it our constant break ups that led up to marriage when Andrew was 7, a baby sister when he was 8 and divorce when he was 11?
* did it have something to do with so many adults being involved. Poor kid had a different set of rules everywhere he went. I think both sets of grandparents recognized that we were certainly not ready to be parents. So they instilled their sets of rules in their own homes. And those rules along with mine and Jimmy's lack of rules, would screw up the most normal adult.
* I also have another theory that many will argue with. In nursing school we talked about immunizations. One of the things that jumped out at me was that some medical people believed the MMR could trigger autism. In psych class we learned that ADHD is a manifestation of autism. Andrew was diagnosed with ADHD when he was four..
Could it be that he had an autistic gene that was triggered after an MMR?

I guess all of these things contributed in some way. In my trying to make Andrew's life as easy and wonderful as possible, I was actually doing damage.
Do I blame myself? Not any more. And here is why.
Judge Claudia Anderson summed it best on one court appearance.
She asked Andrew why he thought he got into so much trouble. Andrew's reply was that he had a "tough life".
I thought Judge Anderson's head was going to pop off.
She explained to Andrew as Mom and I sat in the court room, that it was obvious by our presence and concern, that he had people that loved him and wanted to help him. And there were thousands of kids that had it much worse than he could ever imagine. And yet those kids were not sitting in her court room. She told him that he should feel lucky and blessed to have such an involved family.
And though I don't think he really grasped what she was saying. It was a turning point for me.
It took me a while to get my shit together. But in all of those early years, I loved my kid with every ounce of my being.. And though I didn't embrace parenting in a conventional sense. I was the best mom I could have been. And I don't think for one second that Andrew will tell you he felt unloved.

So for all of you mom's out there blaming yourself. Knock it off. If you truly believe your child's issues are parenting related, recognize the problem and work to fix it. Wallowing in your mistakes is not the answer.
If people in your life are judging you and criticizing you, they don't need to be in your life..
Move forward.
And more importantly remember that you are not alone.